Doctors Humor 1

Doctor:  I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient:  Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor:  The lab called with your test results.  They said you have 24 hours to
Patient:  24 hours!  That's terrible!  What could be worse?  What's the very bad
Doctor:  I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.

2. Patient: I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here? Doctor: You've had an accident involving a train. Patient: What happened? Doctor: Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first? Patient: Well... The bad news first... Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them. Patient: That's terrible! What's the good news? Doctor: There's a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your slippers (zapatillas).
3. Doctor: I have some good news and I have some bad news, which shall I tell first? Patient: Do begin with the bad news, please. Doctor: Alright. Your son has drowned, your daughter has been raped, your wife has divorced you, your house got blown away, and you have AIDS. Patient: Good grief! What's the good news? Doctor: The good news is that there is no more bad news.
4. This guy goes to the doctor for a checkup, and after some tests, the doctor comes in with a grave look on his face. Doctor: Well, I have some bad news and some really bad news. Guy: Well, give me the really bad news first. Doctor: You have cancer, and only 6 months to live. Guy: And the bad news? Doctor: You have Alzheimer's disease. Guy: Thank God. I was afraid I had cancer!
5. This old man visits his doctor and after a thorough examination, the doctor tells him, "I have good news and bad news, what would you like to hear first?" Patient: Well, give me the bad news first. Doctor: You have cancer, I estimate that you have about two years left. Patient: OH NO! That's awful! In two years, my life will be over! What kind of good news could you probably tell me, after this??? Doctor: You also have Alzheimer's. In about three months you are going to forget everything I told you.
6. Patient: My hair keeps falling out. What can you give me to keep it in? Doctor: A shoebox.
7. Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress, I keep losing my temper with people. Doctor: Tell me about your problem. Patient: I just did, didn't I, you stupid bastard!!!!!
8. Patient walks into a doctor's office. Patient: Doctor, people ignore me. Doctor: Next!
9. Patient: Doctor, I have a serious memory problem. I can't remember anything! Doctor: So, since when did you have this problem? Patient: What problem? Doctor: Did you take those pills I gave you to improve your memory? Patient: What pills?
10. Nurse: Doctor, there is a man in the waiting room with a glass eye named Brown. Doctor: What does he call his other eye?
11. Patient: Well, doc, what does the X-ray of my head show? Doctor: Nothing.
12. Patient has a sore throat and goes to a doctor. Doctor: Your tonsils gotta come out. Patient: I wanna second opinion. Doctor: Okay, you're ugly, too. (feo)
13. Patient: Doctor, I have a problem. I feel unhealthy and depressed. Doctor: You should cut down on drinks. Patient: I don't touch a drop. Doctor: You should cut down on smoking. Patient: I don't smoke. Doctor: You should stop taking drugs. Patient: I don't do drugs. Doctor: You should cut down on womanizing. Patient: Haven't touched a woman in my life. Doctor: In that case, get yourself a drink, learn to smoke, do some drugs, and find a couple of girlfriends.
14. Patient: Doctor, I think I need glasses. Teller: You certainly do. This is a bank.
15. Congratulations, Mr Brown, you're in great shape for a man of sixty. Pity you're only forty.
16. Doctor: What seems to be the trouble? (problema) Patient: Doctor, I keep getting the feeling that nobody can hear what I say. Doctor: What seems to be the trouble?
17. Patient (to cosmetic surgeon): Will it hurt, doctor? Surgeon: Only when you get my bill, Mrs Brown.

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